LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE REVIEW

*We actually watched this over a month ago and we’re just now trying to get caught up on our movie reviews. *
Little Miss Sunshine is about a dysfunctional family’s trip from Albuquerque to California to get their young daughter to a beauty pageant. I had very high hopes for this movie and I was a bit concerned that maybe the best funny bits would have already been spoiled by viewing the trailers. I was happily surprised to learn that this is not the case. This movie has many more laugh out loud moments than the trailers could contain. The cast is great here particularly Alan Arkin (playing the heroin snorting, porn-obsessed grandfather). I won’t really spoil too much else about the movie. Just go see it. Its fun, its smart, and its one of the better movies I’ve seen this year. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK CONFUSED. HULK GO SEE MOVIE EXPECTING HAPPY TIME SUNSHINE MOVIE AND INSTEAD SEE MOVIE WITH CUSSING, YELLING, DEATH, AND DARKNESS. WHILE HULK IS SAD FROM WATCHING MOVIE EVERYONE ELSE IN THEATER IS LAUGHING. HULK JUST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND PEOPLE SOMETIMES.

Bobo Review: Bobo did not go see dis moobie. Bobo instead secretly went to see a much better beauty pageant. You see everyone knows Bobo loves the beautiful ladies but sometimes Bobo’s desires will want a change and he will want a taste of something different. Now before you think that Bobo would want to look at some dudes you would be wrong and if you did think that then Bobo will come to your house and sh*t on your head. If you lIve too far away Bobo will sh*t in a box and mail it to your house. But when Bobo wants a little something different he goes to the shake joint of Big Bertha’s House Of A Whole Lotta Shakin’. Appropriately Big Bertha was putting on the Big Miss Sun pageant where the girls are so big they can block out the sun. The one ton of love that caught Bobo’s eye was Rotunda. She had on an itty bitty leopard print bikini that left nothing to the imagination. She offered Bobo a lap dance but Bobo was afraid Bobo would lose the use of his legs if we went through with it. Bobo declined and instead proceeded to watch her jiggle in all her magnificent glory.

THE ILLUSIONIST REVIEW

The Illusionist on the surface is a period piece about a magician bucking the system in Austria. The movie also tries to be a love story and it also tries to be a mystery. Edward Norton (playing the title character) and Jessica Biels (playing Sophie the love interest) offer very decent performances but I really didn’t buy into their chemistry. Predictably Sophie is engaged to the Crown Prince Leopold (played by Rufus Sewell) and he has the Chief Inspector (the awesome Paul Giamatti) keep tabs on her whereabouts. I won’t spoil what happens next but just know that the outcome was predictable but the journey was fun. I think the movie tries really hard and mostly succeeds. C+

Hulk: HULK NOT SURE IF HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK REALLY LIKE THE NEAT-O MAGIC SHOWS BUT HULK NOT REALLY LIKE REST OF MOVIE. AFTER HULK LEFT MOVIE THERE WAS A MAN OUTSIDE DOING CRAZY MAGIC CARD TRICKS FOR MONEY. THE MAN YELLED OUT TO HULK AND SAID, “HEY, GREENIE, COME OVER HERE. I GOT A GAME FOR YOU TO TRY OUT”. HULK LOVE PLAYING GAMES. THE MAN THEN LAID OUT 3 CARDS ON A CARDBOARD BOX AND SHOWED HULK THE CARD WITH THE NUMBER 2 WITH SOME HEARTS ON IT. THE MAN THEN MOVED THE CARDS AROUND SO FAST HULK COULDN’T KEEP UP. THEN THE MAN TOLD HULK TO PICK THE CARD THAT WAS THE 2 OF HEARTS. SO HULK DID BUT THIS TIME THE CARD WAS A 10 WITH DIAMONDS. OH WELL. THEN THE MAN TOLD HULK THAT HULK NEEDED TO PAY $5. THE MAN THEN SAID “DOUBLE OR NOTHING TO PLAY AGAIN”. HULK NO UNDERSTAND BUT HULK AGREED. THE MAN SHOWED HULK THE 2 CARD WITH THE HEARTS AND THEN STARTED MOVING THE CARDS AROUND AGAIN. HULK CONCENTRATED REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HARD. THIS TIME HULK WAS GONNA WIN FOR SURE. BUT HULK PICKED THE 10 WITH DAIMAONDS AGAIN. FOR SOME REASON IN THE BACK OF HULK’S MIND HE HEARD A SOUND LIKE WHAAWHAUUUU. HULK THEN TURNED TO LEAVE AND THE MAN TOLD HULK”HEY BUDDY YOU NEED TO PAY ME $10”. HULK TOLD THE MAN “HULK NO HAVE MONEY. HULK’S RIPPED YET STYLISH PANTS ONLY HAVE POCKETS BIG ENOUGH FOR MOVIE AND POPCORN AND HULK HAS ALREADY SPENT THAT.” THE MAN THEN PULLED OUT A BASEBALL BAT AND STARTED HITTING HULK IN THE HEAD. HULK JUST LOOKED AT THE MAN FOR A FEW LONG SECONDS AND THEN HULK GRABBED THE MAN LIKE A FOOTBALL AND PUNTED HIM AS FAR AS HULK COULD. DON’T NOBODY HIT THE HULK IN THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

Bobo: What a crappy moobie. Bobo hate dis moobie. People just talk and talk. Even hot chickie from crappy god-fearin’ TV show was wasted. Usually moobies set back in the olden times have hot chickies that wear dresses that makes there boobies look like they are about to pop out and let Bobo get a peek of the nips but this time the chickies are more covered up than the dudes. Sure you get to see a pretty face but a pretty face is only good for target practice for Bobo’s love cannon.

CLERKS 2 REVIEW

“Clerks” arguably Kevin Smith’s best and most critically loved film was something unique and breathed a bit of new life in cinema for me. Sure it’s full of dick and fart jokes but once you wade thru those (all the while laughing your ass off) you will find a really great movie. Twelve years and 5 movies later, Kevin Smith has unashamedly gone back to the well and made “Clerks II”. The gist is Dante and Randal are now in their thirties the Quik Stop has burned down and are forced to start working at a Mooby’s fast food restaurant. Dante’s about to move to Florida and get married leaving Randal alone in Jersey. With this flick you get the same hilarious dick and fart jokes and all the movie/comic book/geek talk but with a mature (somewhat) Smith back in control. The story has purpose and the guys are dealing with real issues of friendship, growing older, security, and relationships all through the guise of Transformer talk, racial slurs, and Buffalo Bill impersonations. The cast here is great. The additions of Rosario Dawson (Becky the clerks’ boss) and newcomer Travor Fehrman (Elias the teenaged virgin geek) are welcome and add a lot to the cast. The “clerks” have more people to play off of and most importantly it works. The dialogue is great and really shows why Smith is a decent writer. Most of the plot keeps chugging right along but it does slow down a bit at times when it focuses on Dante’s love triangle between his fiancé and Becky. Every time there would be a lull there would be 30 seconds of Jay and Silent Bob hitting me with a laugh-til-it-hurts moment which gets you right back into the movie. All and all this is a worthy addition to the Jersey ViewAskewniverse films…and this one even has donkey sex. Grade: B

Hulk Review: HULK NO UNDERSTAND MOVIE. HULK NO GET MOST OF THE JOKES IN MOVIE.HULK LIKE JEDI’S, HOBBITS, AND CHIN-CHUN-CHUNN-CHA ROBOT OPTIMUS PRIME. WHY CAN PEOPLE NOT LIKE ALL OF THEM? WHY DOES MOVIE START IN BLACK AND WHITE AND THEN GO TO COLOR? IS THIS THE SEQUEL TO THE WIZARD OF OZ? WHERE ARE THE FLYING MONKEYS? HULK NO UNDERSTAND WHAT A PORCH MONKEY IS. IS THAT A FLYING MONKEY WITH NO WINGS THAT LIVES ON A PORCH? WHAT DOES A BROKEN BOTTLE GOT TO DO WITH BLACK PEOPLE? WHAT IS THAT PERSON DOING TO THAT DONKEY? WHERE IS DOROTHY? HULK SO CONFUSED.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo love the way people talk in dis moobie. The one thing Bobo not understand was why did stoopid people think that skinny blonde chickie was hot. That chickie was so ugly even Bobo won’t beat off to her. Becky Mexican chickie was way hotter. Bobo’s favorite part is watching that Becky Mexican hot chickie’s boobies bounce up and down while she dances. Bobo would like to see a moobie of just her boobies bouncing. Bobo could die happy then.

THE DESCENT REVIEW

The Descent is a low-budget horror movie that has been hyped as one of the scariest movies of all time. For me the movie did not live up to the hype but it did have some legitimate scares. Here’s the setup “An all-girl group of thrill-seekers go spelunking in the Appalachian Mountains and get lost in a cavern where pale, hungry things live.” Either you like movies like this or you don’t. I personally enjoy the hell out of fun horror flicks. Most of the time there are plot holes (this being no exception) but I’m usually able to suspend my disbelief and sit back and have a fun rollercoaster ride good time. Claustrophobia is a primal fear and this movie plays on that fear to where you want to run out of the dark theater desperate for some light. Well I say this until the “creatures” show up. I would have preferred a more realistic storyline about six friends trapped underground trying to escape out the darkness fighting mother nature along the way and forget all about the “creatures”. When the “creatures” arrive the movie then because your basic hack and slash thriller we’ve all seen many times. Your only involvement now is the guessing game of “who will survive”. Sadly, Lions Gate has cut the ending of this movie and replaced it with something far inferior. If you do end up seeing this movie I recommend searching for the original ending on the internet. It greatly enhances the movie. US Ending Grade: C British Ending Grade: B-

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE THIS MOVIE. HULK SCARED OF DARK. WHEN CREEPY CRAWLY GROWLER THINGS SHOW UP HULK GET SCARED AND COVER HULK’S EYES. HULK THEN SEE NOTHING BUT DARKNESS AGAIN BUT NOW HEAR BITING AND SCREAMING AND HULK NOW EVEN MORE SCARED. WHY MOVIES LIKE THIS HAVE TO BE MADE. HULK WOULD RATHER SEE FUN HAPPY TIME FUN MOVIES LIKE “KINDERGARDEN COP” OR “SHAGGY DOG”. AFTER HULK GO SEE THIS MOVIE HULK WENT HOME AND HAD HARD TIME GOING TO SLEEP EVEN THOUGH HULK’S WATCH SAY SLEEPY SLEEP TIME. HULK LAY IN BED AND TOSSED AND TURNED ALL NIGHT. FINALLY HULK FALL ASLEEP. HULK WAS HAVING ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITEST DREAMS. IT’S THE ONE WHERE A FLUFFY BUNNY RABBIT NAMED CARL HOPS UP TO HULK AND LETS HULK PET HIM. THEN FLUFF BUNNY RABBIT NAMED CARL AND HULK BECOME BESTEST BUDDIES AND WE HOLD HANDS AND SKIP THROUGH A GRASSY MEADOW. ONLY THIS TIME WHILE WE WERE HOPPIN’ AND SKIPPIN’ IN THE MEADOW SOME CRAZY HOODED CREATURE WALKED UP TO CARL AND PULLED BACK THE HOOD TO REVEAL A HEAD THAT LOOKED LIKE A ZIT WITH A MOUTH. THE MOUTH THEN BITES THE HEAD OFF OF CARL. BLOOD SHOOTS OUT OF THE STUMP WHERE CARL’S HEAD USED TO BE. THE BLOOD SPEWED ALL OF HULK AND EVEN ON HULK’S RIPPED YET STYLISH PURPLE PANTS. THEN THE ZIT MOUTH MAN COMES OVER TO HULK AND RIGHT BEFORE HE BITES HULK’S HEAD OFF HULK WAKES UP. GOOD THING CARL WAS THERE TO FEED ZIT MOUTH MAN FIRST.

Bobo: HOLY F**K!!! This movie kicked Bobo’s ass sideways and then knocked Bobo’s dick in the dirt. Bobo loved dis moobie. Hot chicks fighting weird underground albino baby mole guys that eat folks and crawl around on the ceiling and screaming like run over cats is Bobo’s idea of a really good movie. The only thing that could make this moobie better is if the hot chickies got nekkid and then started kissing each other (ummmmmm hot nekkid chickies kissin’). After moobie was over queerboy Mikey fartbutt told Bobo about some other ending of the moobie. So Bobo fired up the Porno Express (aka compooter) and downloaded the real ending of dis moobie. After seeing this mucho better ending the other ending made the moobie seem like rainbows and unicorns. Make Bobo want to throw up.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST REVIEW

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest - This is an interesting film in the fact that I feel that everything was done right but only deserves an average grade. The special effects were top notch. It Rivals just about everything seen before on screen. Davey Jones is so lifelike and fluid. I would have expected he was made up of part human, part animatronics, part makeup and part CGI. Nope its just a human and CGI. The CGI work is hands down the best I’ve ever seen and that’s including the amazing LOTR films. The Flying Dutchman, the crew, the Craken all of it looks terrific. This movie is worth seeing for the special effects alone. Without going into spoiler territory the plot is simple and straightforward. Its easy to follow and makes sense. Essentially everyone has an agenda and will do just about anything to achieve it. The acting is decent. Depp is good as expected but he’s not as terrific as he was in the original. He’s entertaining, funny, dastardly, and is everything Captain Jack Sparrow should be. Orlando Bloom on the other hand just doesn’t work. It’s no secret that I really don’t care for Orlando Bloom. Most of his scenes are adequate, a few are just plain bad, and only his action sequences stand out as being good. Keira Knightley is scorching hot (even though I agree with Bobo in wondering where her boobage went between movies) but her storyline doesn’t get going until halfway into the movie. When it does she’s very strong on screen. Just about all the supporting cast members from the original are back and all do a decent job. Even as I type this I don’t know why I’m giving this movie an average score. Maybe the newness and the originality of the first one have worn off on me. Maybe it’s my general dislike of Orlando Bloom. Either way I walked out of this movie entertained but only mildly. Everything is good not great with the exception of the terrific CGI work. I really don’t know what I was expecting with this flick. Maybe the third film will make me appreciate this one more. This movie does everything right in all the right places but still falls a bit short. C+

Hulk: HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK NO UNDERSTAND A LOT OF MOVIE BUT HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK ONLY KNOW THAT EDWARD SCISSORHAND MAN WANTED A KEY AND HE CARRIED A JAR FULL OF DIRT. EDWARD SCISSORHAND MAN WAS BETTER IN FIRST MOVIE BUT HE’S STILL PRETTY GOOD IN THIS MOVIE. ELF MAN MAKE HULK BORED. HULK WISH ELF MAN NOT IN MOVIE. HULK WISH ELF MAN WOULD GO BACK TO HAIRYFOOTED LITTLE FOLKS RING MOVIES CAUSE ELF MAN SUCKS IN EVERYTHING BUT HAIRYFOOTED LITTLE FOLKS RING MOVIES. SOCCER LADY IS PRETTY HERE BUT SHE’S SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME DRESSED AS A BOY. HULK LIKE TO PLAY DRESS UP TOO BUT HULK WOULD NEVER DO THAT WHEN HULK WAS IN A MOVIE. HULK HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO DO THAT LATER. HULK LOVES TO PLAY DRESS UP AND PUT PANTYHOSE ON. PANTYHOSE MAKE HULK’S LEGS LOOK PRETTY.

Bobo loved dis moobie. *Mike here, Bobo’s reviews’ tend to be a bit spoiler filled and his review is all over the place so I’ll be “whiting out so to speak a lot of his spoilers”. If you want to read them just highlight the text with your mouse*. Bobo love hot chickie momma even though she has the boobs of a 10 year old. How is it hot chickie momma’s boobs look smaller now than other moobie? Bobo wonder if she got that reducto surgery thing people get. Bobo still don’t understand why hot chickie mommas get that surgery. If Bobo had big boobies Bobo wouldn’t be able to leave the house. Bobo would just spend all day looking at and touching Bobo’s hot sexy boobies. Bobo got freaked the f**k out when he first saw octopus face man. What’s up with folks having starfishes and jagged bits all over themselves or folks that are half shark? Bobo loved that starfishie mens came out of the walls of the ship. What’s up with the folks that eat folks not being nekkid? Or at least the chickies that eat folks being nekkid cause Bobo don’t give a flip about nekkid dudes that eat folks. Bobo was hoping to see some saggy cannibal boobies. Boobies are like pizza even if its bad its still pretty good. Clean the mud and muck off of swamp lady and she would be pretty frickin’ hot. Bobo still don’t understand why she gave dudeman a jar full of dirt. Bobo wishes elf dude from trekkie rings movie would just die. He just whines and whines and is the worst part of whole moobie. Almost make Bobo not like moobie. Bobo loved seeing fight on giant wheel on island. Bobo jumped behind Bobo’s chair when big giant crazy octopus thing would attack the boats. Little boy sitting behind Bobo made fan of Bobo but Bobo got even with little boy. When little boy got up to go pee-pee Bobo left a little turd nugget in little boy’s milk dud box. This made Bobo’s day.

SUPERMAN RETURNS IMAX 3-D REVIEW

Superman Returns IMAX 3-D: Superman is back on the big screen. This “relaunch” has had its ups and downs. Its had Nic Cage as Supes, Tim Burton as Director, and then Kevin Smith as screenwriter only to slide back down into movie limbo. Luckily Singer was brought in to get this franchise moving again and he’s surrounded himself with great writers and a good cast to make a really good Superman movie. Now I’m not saying it’s a great film or even the best comic book movie but it is pretty terrific and as a comic book fan I couldn't be happier. I really can’t write too much about this movie without going into spoilers. So right now I’m going to just stick to being spoiler free. Next week after more people have seen it (and after I’ve seen it a second time) I’ll throw down a spoiler filled review. B+

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK HATE SUPERMAN. SOME PEOPLE THINK SUPERMAN IS THE STRONGEST OF ALL BUT HULK KNOWS THAT HULK CAN BEAT SUPERMAN ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. SUPERMAN GETS BEAT UP BY BALDY MAN ALL THE TIME IN SUPERMAN MOVIES AND IN SUPERMAN COMIC BOOKS. HULK HAS NEVER BEEN BEATEN UP BY A BALDY MAN OR BALDY MEN ANYTIME IN ANY OF HULK’S MOVIES OR COMIC BOOKS. PUNY BALDY MAN NAMED ABSORBING MAN TRIES TO BEAT UP ON HULK FROM TIME TO TIME BUT HULK LAUGHS AT HIM. HULK KNOWS HULK’S FARTS ARE STRONGER THAN BALDY ABSORBING MAN. SUPERMAN IS SCARED OF GREEN ROCKS. SUPERMAN IS SCARED OF GREEN ROCKS BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE LOOKS AT GREEN ROCKS HE’S REMINDED OF HOW STRONG HULK IS AND HOW MUCH OF HIS BUTT HULK CAN SMASH. HULK STRONGEST OF THEM ALL.

Bobo: Bobo at first did not like this moobie. When Bobo went to see moobie he was handed a pair of scuba googles. Bobo didn’t really know why but he took them anyway. At first the moobie was geek boy trekkie comic book moobie stuff. And for some reason the moobie would look fine one minute and the next would be all crazy where there would be multiple images of people and stuff on the screen. Bobo didn’t know what was going on. Maybe Bobo took some type of hallucinogenic drug and Bobo didn’t know about it. Maybe Bobo just didn’t get all this geek boy trekkie comic book stuff. Bobo then see folks with the scuba googles on. So Bobo puts his on his face. Then wowee zowee. Sooperman was flying around right in front of my face. Bobo didn’t know what to do. Bobo thought it would be fun to grab hold of Sooperman and ride on his back so Bobo jumped up and grabbed for Sooperman’s cape but it wasn’t there. Bobo figured he was moving too fast so Bobo waited until Sooperman was staying still. When Bobo saw his chance Bobo jumped up and grabbed for Sooperman but still didn’t grab him but Bobo did land on the hot chickie momma in front of Bobo. While Bobo was falling through the air and grabbing for Sooperman Bobo actually grabbed hold of hot chickie momma's shirt and pulled it down. Bobo got a face full of hot chickie boobies. Schtoing! Bobo got instant stiff banana. Unfortunately the hot chickie momma didn’t seem to happy with Bobo and she yelled for her muscle bound boyfriend (which was sitting right next to her) to “get this perverted little creature off” of her. Bobo got punched in the face, then thrown outside. Bobo’s face hurt but he was happy. Sooperman was a good moobie only because Bobo got a face full of hot sexy boobies.

X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND REVIEW

X-Men 3: The Last Stand – Okay, where to begin on this mess of a movie. Let start of by saying I had very low expectations about this film. After the awesome Bryan Singer left this project to work on Superman Returns I was worried that a decent movie trilogy would be capped off with total shit. Well I was half right. The movie isn’t total excrement but it sure doesn’t smell like roses either. Its simple if you don’t know the comics and you don’t know the characters and you like summer blockbusters then you will enjoy this movie. Its got all the guns, powers, explosions, and CGI you’d expect from a X-men summer action blockbuster. Now for the geek comic fan there are some things to like. There are even some moments that had me geeking out in all directions, but for those that know and care about the characters you will be sorely disappointed at the way characters are abused and exploited here. You will scoff at the sacrilege done to some very beloved characters. So I’m going to give this a dual rating one as a movie go-er (B) and one as a comic fan (C-).

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK WATCH MOVIE AND HULK NO KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE. SOME OF THEM LOOK LIKE HULK FRIENDS THE X-MEN SOME DO NOT. HULK KNOWS THE X-MEN AND THESE PUNY POSERS AIN’T THEM. HULK WATCH MOVIE AND CONFUSED TO SEE ICEMAN BEING BOYFRIEND OF ROGUE. ROGUE KISSED HULK ONCE. HULK FELT WEAK IN THE KNEES BUT AFTERWARDS HULK HAVE PLACE IN HULK’S HEART FOR ROGUE. HULK SECRETELY WANTS ROGUE TO BE HIS GF AND HE CAN BE HER BF 4-EVER. HULK SEE CATWOMAN LADY PRETEND TO BE STORM. WHICH ONE IS SHE? CATWOMAN OR STORM? HULK CONFUSED EVEN MORE.

Bobo: Bobo like this moobie. Another moobie that Bobo otherwise would want to throw Bobo’s turd nuggets at except for the fact that it has a hot nekkid blue chickie in it. Bobo do wonder what comic books have to do with Star Trek. Why bald captain man in this moobie. Bobo worried that Bobo would be lumped in with geek boy Trekkie crowd if he was seen in moobie so Bobo sat in the back and diddled his banana when hot nekkid blue chickie was on screen… and also when she wasn’t. Bobo like diddling his banana.

SOMERSAULT REVIEW

Somersault: This Australian film explores one confused and lonely girl’s search for intimacy and acceptance. Many of today’s youth confuse intimacy with sex and never think of the consequences of their ignorance. Heidi (played by Abbie Cornish) is no exception. Heidi is masterfully played with innocence, vulnerability, and bravery but never once shying away from the self destructive tendencies that would keep you from falling in love with such a girl. You want to love this girl but instead you end up pitying her. Her journey is a rollercoaster ride of guilt, fear, courage, happiness, sadness, and eventual forgiveness. The journey starts with the pain she suffers from the guilt over her mother’s anger and scorn when Heidi is found with the mother’s boyfriend. She escapes out of the city to visit a “friend” she’d met previously only to have the “friend” have no idea who she was. The rest I’ll leave for you to discover. The film is fleshed in beautiful shades of vibrant color that are as important part of the film as any actor. The camera work here is also mighty impressive. Watching a sweeping shot of a disheveled room you would think you were watching a sweeping shot of the Grand Canyon. My only complaint is the use (and overuse) of the camera being out of focus. A few times it works but the fact that its used too often hurts its effectiveness. This movie was a pleasant surprise to me. B+

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE THIS MOVIE. HULK NO UNDERSTAND WHAT MOVIE IS ABOUT. HULK DID LIKE WHEN PRETTY LADY PLAYED PATTY CAKE WITH RED GLOVES ON. HULK LOVE TO PLAY PATTY CAKE. HULK FORGET SOMETIMES THAT HULK IS STRONGEST ONE OF THEM ALL. ONE TIME HULK PLAYED PATTY CAKE WITH LITTLE BOY NEXT DOOR AND THE NEXT THING HULK KNEW LITTLE BOY WAS GONE. HULK LOOKED ALL OVER FOR HIM. HULK WAS SAD BECAUSE HULK REALLY REALLY WANTED TO PLAY PATTY CAKE. THEY FOUND LITTLE BOY IN A TREE A MILE AWAY.

Bobo: Bobo would normally hate this kinda artsy fartsy moobie but hot mama chickie gets nekkid and that means Bobo loves this moobie. Bobo think this maybe the hottest chickie Bobo has ever seen. When this moobie comes out on the DVD Bobo is gonna test this theory by throwin’ a pound of bacon at the tv. If it cooks then this chickie is officially the hottest chickie in the world.

SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC REVIEW

Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic – A word of warning, this flick is not for everyone. If you are easily offended and are afraid to laugh at everything and everyone (including yourself) then go see something else. This film is made up of Silverman’s stand-up material and various musical numbers which are mostly obscene, definitely inventive, and always funny. She toys with race, sexuality, rape, 9/11, and even the holocaust. I’m amazed at how effortlessly she’s able to make these otherwise taboo subjects hilarious. My only complaint is with its running time of just barely over an hour. Its too short and it leaves you wanting more. B+

Hulk: HULK NO UNDERSTAND MOVIE. MOVIE CALLED JESUS IS MAGIC AND HULK’S MOM ALWAYS TOLD HULK THAT JESUS WAS MAGIC BUT THIS MOVIE IS JUST ABOUT A POTTIE MOUTHED GIRL TALKING AND TALKING AND SOMETIMES SINGING. HULK NO UNDERSTAND MOST OF WHAT WAS SAID OR SUNGDED BUT HULK LOVES THE SONGS ANYWAY. HULK WILL SING HULK’S FAVORITEST SONG FROM MOVIE – “HULK LOVE YOU MORE THAN BEARS LOVE HONEY/ HULK LOVE YOU MORE THAN JEWS LOVE MONEY/ HULK LOVE YOU MORE THAN ASIANS ARE GOOD AT MATH"

Bobo: Bobo really like dis moobie. First off it has hot chickie Sarah lady in every scene of the movie. Its got hot chickie Sarah lady making funny jokes. Most of jokes Bobo heard flew a bit over Bobo’s head but the ones Bobo got Bobo loved. Bobo laughed really hard when hot chickie Sarah lady made her poonanny sing songs. Bobo wonders if hot chickie Sarah lady will have her poonany sing to Bobo’s banana?

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING REVIEW

Thank You For Smoking – I really liked this flick but I can’t help but feel a little cheated by it. TYFS directed by Jason Reitman (son of Ivan) is the story of a tobacco lobbyist and the moral dilemmas that come with being a tobacco lobbyist. Aaron Eckhart plays lobbyist Nick Naylor with the wit and charm needed for the role. Watching Eckhart on screen is definitely the highlight of this movie. The audience can’t help but enjoy watching the silver tongued devil get away with murder over and over again unfortunately there isn’t enough of it. There’s a lot of great wit flying around in this movie but most of it is deflated due to already watching the trailer. *Spoiler Warning* In the end the character’s moral awakening hinders this smart film and makes it too clichéd and obvious *End Spoiler* The movie starts off strong and your carried quite well but in the end the movie pulls its punches when it could’ve/should’ve been going for a knockout punch. B

Hulk – HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT MEN WERE TALKING ABOUT. SOMETHING ABOUT SMOKING AND CHEESE KILLING PEOPLE. HULK FRIEND MARLBORO MAN TOLD HULK THAT SMOKING WAS A-OK AND WOULD HELP HULK GET THE LADIES. HULK TRY MARLBORO CIGARETTES ONCE AND THEY MAKE HULK COUGH AND COUGH. HULK INSTEAD DECIDE TO MAKE ON BRAND OF HULK CIGARETTES. HULK LIKE THESE MUCH BETTER.
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Bobo – Bobo hate this moobie. This moobie just had lots of boring talking and talking and nothing for Bobo to like ‘cept for Katie Holmes. That chickie is smokin’ hot. Moobies like this make Bobo not want to go to moobies anymore and focus on Bobo’s other passions in life…being a Gigolo, monkey kung fu, and…tap dancing. Yea you read that right tap dancing…if you have a problem with it Bobo will tap dance on your f**kin’ head so hard you will ….wish you didn’t have a head. Bobo get so flustered when people make fun of Bobo’s tap dancing abilities Bobo can’t think straight…..anyway moobie sucked but Katie Holmes is hot...too bad she don’t get nekkid in it.

UNITED 93 REVIEW

United 93 – I walked out of this film really unsure about my feelings about it. Not because its not good (heck I think it’s the best movie I’ve seen this year). Its taken me a few days to actually be able to put my thoughts on paper. I’m not really sure what I was expecting going in to this film. I couldn’t see how a film about the 9/11 hijackings could be made without picking sides or having some sort of agenda. I couldn’t imagine making a movie this soon afterwards without being exploitive. I wasn’t sure how the film was going to be sold, there are no movie stars, no big action sequences, its not terribly nostalgic (unless people like thinking about that day). The film pulls it all off and it succeeds in every way a film can. I’m not going to make this a political review I’m just going to review this work as a film only. The film is split between the ground crew and the passengers of United flight 93. This is genius, by spreading the attention out the tension mounts and you find yourself drawn in and emotionally connected with everyone involved. The passengers, the ground crew, the military, even the hijackers command your attention and your thoughts. You won’t know the names of any of the individuals in this film but their actions will be left with you for a long time. United 93 never offers an explanation as to why the individuals are doing what they are doing and besides a few individual prayers there aren’t any religious overtones. I was surprised at the level of violence and chaos that made up the third act but afterwards I reflected on how naïve I can be. This movie took me on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster by throwing me backwards in time to the morning of September 11 and washing me over with my own thoughts and memories of that day and all that have transpired afterwards. I’m not sure what I was expecting going into this film but what I was left with will stay with me for a long time. A+

Hulk – HULK NO SEE MOVIE. HULK HAVE CRAZY ADVENTURE INSTEAD. HULK WENT TO HULK’S FAVORITE THEATER WITH HULK NEIGHBOR FRIEND NAMED JACK. HULK BOUGHT JELLY BEANS, HULK SIZED POPCORN, HULK SIZED DRINK, AND 12 BOXES OF JUNIOR MINTS. HULK ATE ALL BEFORE THE START OF MOVIE. HULK TUMMY START TO RUMBLE AND HURT. HULK RUN TO BATHROOM WHEN HULK FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. HULK WAS IN THE BATHROOM FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. HULK REALLY, REALLY HAD TO DO NUMBER 2. HULK FINALLY FINISH AND HULK EVEN REMEMBERED TO WASH HULK’S HANDS. HULK MUST HAVE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM TOO LONG BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE COMING OUT OF THE THEATER. SOME OF THEM WERE UPSET WITH “HI, JACK-ERS”. HULK CONFUSED. HULK DIDN’T WANT PEOPLE TO BE MAD AT HULK SO HULK GO HOME AND LEAVE HULK NEIGHBOR FRIEND JACK AT THEATER. HULK DIDN’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT HULK HAD A FRIEND NAMED JACK AND THAT HULK SAID “HI” TO HIM EVERY DAY.

Bobo – Bobo no see this moobie. Bobo have no interested in seeing people in a plane. There’s only two moobies with folks in a plane that Bobo wants to see right now. One is Snakes on a Plane starring the often forgetful but still the baddest, blackest Mofo in all the universe Samul L. F**kin’ Jackson and the other is Debbie Does A Whole Bunch of Folks On A Plane IV (this is the one where Debbie does some dudes but a whole bunch of chicks). Now that’s a moobie worth Bobo's time.

UNKNOWN WHITE MALE REVIEW

Unknown White Male – I actually watched this film several weeks ago and I’m just now getting around to reviewing it. I find the subject matter completely fascinating but the overall editing of the film left me a bit cold. This documentary chronicles the life of thirty something Doug Bruce, a British expat former stockbroker, in New York. That sounds fine and dandy but it doesn’t sound like much of a movie. The kicker is on July 3, 2003 he opened his eyes on a train in Brooklyn with no idea who he was or any memory of his life at all. Director-narrator Rupert Murray, which happens to be a friend of Doug’s, films his journey of worldly and self discovery. I’m reminded of Charlie in “Flowers for Algernon” with Doug Bruce’s childlike approach to the world. I found his “first” experiences of snow and the ocean to be particularly touching. I do have a few problems with the editing and overall flow of the film. Lots of unnecessary quick edits and artsy fartsy touches detract from the overall presentation even though I’m sure its shooting for the opposite reaction. Another point of information that detracts from my overall enjoyment is there is speculation that the film is a complete hoax. That its too coincidental for it to be factual. Regardless I found myself totally engulfed with philosophical questions about the nature of man and how much a person’s memories make up who that person is. I could watch hours and hours of footage of this man’s journey and I’m intrigued of the outcome of his life. I hope a follow up documentary is made within the coming years. B+

Hulk: HULK NO ANSWER THIS PERSONAL AD. HULK NOT INTERESTED IN MEETING MEN TO LIE DOWN WITH HULK. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK HULK WOULD LIKE THIS? WHO GAVE YOU THAT IDEA? IT WAS FORMER HULK FRIEND THE THING, RIGHT? THE LAST TIME HULK ANSWERED PERSONAL AD WAS IN 1999. HULK WAS HAVING A PARTICULARLY BAD YEAR. HULK’S COMIC SALES WERE DOWN, HULK HAD TERRIBLE HULK-SIZED CASE OF CONSTIPATION, AND HULK WAS FEELING PARTICULARLY LONELY. SO UNDER THE ADVICE OF THEN HULK FRIEND THE THING HULK ANSWERED A PERSONAL AD THAT READ “SINGLE ORANGE ROCK-LIKE CREATURE OF PROMINENT 4 MEMBERED SUPER TEAM LOOKING FOR SPECIAL GAMMA IRRADIATED MUSCULAR CREATURE FOR HOT HOT LOVE….(*the Leader or Doc Samson need not reply*)”. HULK EXCITED. HULK ACTUALLY TOOK BATH AND PUT ON HULK’S BEST RIPPED PANTS AND WENT TO MEET “SINGLE ORANGE ROCK-LIKE CREATURE”. HULK SHOCKED WHEN HULK FIND OUT THAT THE “SINGLE ORANGE ROCK-LIKE CREATURE” WAS ACTUALLY THE THING. HULK GET SO MAD BUT ALSO HULK’S HEART BREAKDED. HULK COULD DO NOTHING BUT SULK AWAY AND CRY.

*comic book joke* either you get it or you don’t

Bobo: Bobo no watch this moobie. Moobie sounds pretty boring. Let’s see moobie about stoopid queerman that doesn’t know who he is…. If he doesn’t know who he is why would Bobo give a crap about who he is? Now if movie was about a nekkid hot chickie that doesn’t know who she is Bobo would be all over that like gonorrhea on a Thai hooker.

ANNIE HALL REVIEW

Annie Hall: I have a confession to make. I’ve never seen Annie Hall. This was one of those movies that I’m ashamed for never taking the time to see. Annie Hall, made in 1977, is a classic. To be absolutely honest I’ve been on the Star Wars side of the fence in the debate of which film deserved the Oscar for Best Picture in 1977. Comparing Annie Hall to a “Beautiful Mind” that I’m sure it was a good movie but not a great one and would not stand the test of time. Boy was I wrong. Star Wars does have Annie Hall beat in as far as pop cultural significance but Annie Hall is an overall better made film. Why, oh why, did I wait so long to view this flick? It’s a very funny story about the love life of a Jewish New Yorker comedian. Nothing is sacred and no punches are pulled. The jokes are fast, smart, and funny and had me laughing out loud. Woody is great as Alvie Singer and I’ve always been kind of cold towards Diane Keaton in other films but she’s absolutely terrific on screen here as the title character. Annie Hall has really truly stood the test of time. And I loved it. A+

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK MAD! HULK GET ALL READY TO SEE MOVIE. HULK EVEN PUT ON RED WIG AND RED DRESS. HULK MAD WHEN HULK SEE LITTLE PUNY MAN TALKING AND TALKING. WHERE IS HULK FRIEND ‘LIL ORPHAN ANNIE? WHERE IS BALD MAN DADDY WARBUCKS? HULK WANT TO SING “TOMORROW, TOMORROW”. WHERE IS PUPPY DOG?
















Bobo: Bobo no like this moobie. Bobo did watch five minutes and Bobo make decision that only queerboys and people with vaginas want to watch this movie. Bobo kept waiting for sexy hot pants Annie lady to get nekkid but she’s just as bad as skinny talking man. Talk, talk, talk, if Bobo wanted to just hear talking and arguing Bobo would have visited Bobo’s girlfriend last night. Bobo bout to kick that b*tch to the curb.

HULK AND BOBO INTERVIEW SAMUEL L JACKSON

HULK: HULK WANT TO THANK SAMUEL L JACKSON FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF BUSY SCHEDULE FROM TOURING WITH THE JACKSON 5 TO SPEAK WITH HULK. HOW IS HULK FRIEND TITO DOING ANYWAY?

Bobo: Bobo can’t believe Hulk is so stupid he doesn’t know that this is the baddest blackest MoFo in all the universe. You need to treat him with respect…and brush your teeth because Hulk’s breath smell like doo doo.

Samuel L Jackson: Normally, both of your sorry asses would be deader than f**kin’ fried chicken by now, but you happened to pull this sh*t while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you.

Bobo: You hear that Hulk? When Samuel L Jackson, the baddest blackest Mofo in all the universe, speaks you need to listen. Now make sure you ask important questions that are worthy of his greatness.

HULK: HULK HAVE FRIEND NAMED FAT ALBERT. DO YOU KNOW HIM?



Bobo: Sheesh!



Samuel L Jackson: I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat. He's got a weight problem. What's the nigger gonna do? He's Samoan.


Hulk: HULK NOT KNOW WHAT FISH THAT SWIM UP STREAM TO HAVE BABIES ONLY TO DIE HAVE TO DO WITH HULK FRIEND FAT ALBERT.


Bobo: Samuel L Jackson, the baddest, blackest MoFo in all the universe, didn’t say SALMON he said SAMOAN. As in someone from the islands of Samoa.

Samuel L Jackson: Check out the big brain on Brett!



Bobo: Bobo…not Brett but Samuel L Jackson, the baddest, blackest MoFo in all the universe can call Bobo Brett if he wants.

Hulk: HULK LIKE TO WORK OUT AND MAKE SURE HULK STAYS THE STRONGEST OF THEM ALL. HOW DO YOU THINK HULK FRIEND FAT ALBERT GET SO FAT?


Samuel L Jackson: Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast!



Hulk: HULK LOVE TO EAT HAMBURGERS AND FRENCH FRIES AND MUFFINS WITH GRAVY. SOMETIMES WHEN HULK EATS TOO MANY MUFFINS THEY MAKE HULK’S BELLY HURT. HULK GET THE BEST MUFFINS AND GRAVY AT HASH ‘N EGGS RESTAURANT DOWN THE STREET?

Samuel L Jackson: And those are hash bars? Oh, man, I'm goin', that's all there is to it -- I'm f**kin' goin'.


Bobo: Bobo thinks Hulk should shut up so Bobo could ask some questions now. Bobo so lucky to finally get to meet Bobo’s favoritest person in the whole universe.

Samuel L Jackson: No, no, this wasn't luck. This was divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is Vincent?


Bobo: Bobo…not Vincent…Bobo would really rather you call Bobo Bobo or at least “Awesome Monkey Dude”…..


Samuel L Jackson: What?



Bobo: Oh nothing. So what is the one thing that Samuel L Jackson really loves to do?


Samuel L Jackson: Well, there's this passage I've memorized that sort of fits this occasion. "Ezekiel" 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of the evil men. Blessed are they, who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness, for they are truly their brothers' keepers and the finders of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

Hulk: HULK THINK THAT’S A SCARY PASSAGE TO READ FROM THE BIBLE.



Bobo: Bobo agrees…Bobo not know what that has to do with question but it is scary.


Samuel L Jackson: If my answers frighten you Vincent, then you should cease asking scary questions.


Bobo: MY NAME IS BOBO….not VINCENT. Bobo is getting a little angry with Samuel L Jackson, that baddest, blackest, Mofo in all the universe, and his inability to remember Bobo’s name.

Samuel L Jackson: Oh, oh, you ready to blow? Well, I'm a mushroom cloud-layin' motherf**ker, motherf**ker. I'm "SUPERFLY TNT", I'm "THE GUNS OF NAVARONE". We're f**kin’ switching. What country are you from?

Bobo: Well Bobo’s originally from Costa Rica but due to a nasty run-in with…


Samuel L Jackson: I'm the foot f**kin' master!



Bobo: What?



Samuel L Jackson: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?



Bobo: Well a little…



Samuel L Jackson: What country are you from?



Bobo: Like Bobo was saying before Bobo originally from Costa Rica.



Samuel L Jackson: Ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English?



Bobo: What?



Samuel L Jackson: English, motherf**ker! Do you speak it?



Bobo: Of course but what does that have to do with this interview. Bobo was just about to go into detail about Bobo’s father…


Samuel L Jackson: Does he look like a bitch?



Bobo: What?



Samuel L Jackson: Say "what" again! Say "what" again motherf**ker! I dare you! I double-dare you motherf**ker! Say "what" one more goddamn time!


Bobo: He's black.



Samuel L Jackson: Go on!



Bobo: He's bald.



Samuel L Jackson: Does he look like a bitch?



Bobo: Well maybe sometimes but that’s only when he would wear a dress and…



Samuel L Jackson: Does he LOOK like a bitch?!



Bobo: No!



Samuel L Jackson: Then why'd you try to f**k him like a bitch, Brett? Yes, you did Brett. Yes, you did. You tried to f**k him.


Bobo: BOBO DIDN’T AND BOBO’S NAME IS NOT BRETT… OR VINCENT…BOBO’S NAME IS BOBO!!!!


Samuel L Jackson: I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherf**kers get scared, that's when motherf**kers accidentally get shot. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Ringo here definitely doesn't want that.

Hulk: STOP! HULK JUST WANTS ALL TO GET ALONG. HULK HAVE GREAT IDEA. HULK WAS JUST SITTING HERE EATING HULK MUFFIN WHEN HULK HAVE WHAT ALCOHOLICS REFER TO AS A MOMENT OF CLARITY. HULK LOVE TO SING, JACKSON MAN IS NO NEWBIE TO MUSIC BUSINESS, AND BOBO CAN KINDA SORTA PLAY THE DRUMS….WE CAN BE THE NEW JACKSON 5!

Samuel L Jackson: Shit yeah, Negro! That's all you had to say!