SUPERMAN RETURNS IMAX 3-D REVIEW

Superman Returns IMAX 3-D: Superman is back on the big screen. This “relaunch” has had its ups and downs. Its had Nic Cage as Supes, Tim Burton as Director, and then Kevin Smith as screenwriter only to slide back down into movie limbo. Luckily Singer was brought in to get this franchise moving again and he’s surrounded himself with great writers and a good cast to make a really good Superman movie. Now I’m not saying it’s a great film or even the best comic book movie but it is pretty terrific and as a comic book fan I couldn't be happier. I really can’t write too much about this movie without going into spoilers. So right now I’m going to just stick to being spoiler free. Next week after more people have seen it (and after I’ve seen it a second time) I’ll throw down a spoiler filled review. B+

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK HATE SUPERMAN. SOME PEOPLE THINK SUPERMAN IS THE STRONGEST OF ALL BUT HULK KNOWS THAT HULK CAN BEAT SUPERMAN ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. SUPERMAN GETS BEAT UP BY BALDY MAN ALL THE TIME IN SUPERMAN MOVIES AND IN SUPERMAN COMIC BOOKS. HULK HAS NEVER BEEN BEATEN UP BY A BALDY MAN OR BALDY MEN ANYTIME IN ANY OF HULK’S MOVIES OR COMIC BOOKS. PUNY BALDY MAN NAMED ABSORBING MAN TRIES TO BEAT UP ON HULK FROM TIME TO TIME BUT HULK LAUGHS AT HIM. HULK KNOWS HULK’S FARTS ARE STRONGER THAN BALDY ABSORBING MAN. SUPERMAN IS SCARED OF GREEN ROCKS. SUPERMAN IS SCARED OF GREEN ROCKS BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE LOOKS AT GREEN ROCKS HE’S REMINDED OF HOW STRONG HULK IS AND HOW MUCH OF HIS BUTT HULK CAN SMASH. HULK STRONGEST OF THEM ALL.

Bobo: Bobo at first did not like this moobie. When Bobo went to see moobie he was handed a pair of scuba googles. Bobo didn’t really know why but he took them anyway. At first the moobie was geek boy trekkie comic book moobie stuff. And for some reason the moobie would look fine one minute and the next would be all crazy where there would be multiple images of people and stuff on the screen. Bobo didn’t know what was going on. Maybe Bobo took some type of hallucinogenic drug and Bobo didn’t know about it. Maybe Bobo just didn’t get all this geek boy trekkie comic book stuff. Bobo then see folks with the scuba googles on. So Bobo puts his on his face. Then wowee zowee. Sooperman was flying around right in front of my face. Bobo didn’t know what to do. Bobo thought it would be fun to grab hold of Sooperman and ride on his back so Bobo jumped up and grabbed for Sooperman’s cape but it wasn’t there. Bobo figured he was moving too fast so Bobo waited until Sooperman was staying still. When Bobo saw his chance Bobo jumped up and grabbed for Sooperman but still didn’t grab him but Bobo did land on the hot chickie momma in front of Bobo. While Bobo was falling through the air and grabbing for Sooperman Bobo actually grabbed hold of hot chickie momma's shirt and pulled it down. Bobo got a face full of hot chickie boobies. Schtoing! Bobo got instant stiff banana. Unfortunately the hot chickie momma didn’t seem to happy with Bobo and she yelled for her muscle bound boyfriend (which was sitting right next to her) to “get this perverted little creature off” of her. Bobo got punched in the face, then thrown outside. Bobo’s face hurt but he was happy. Sooperman was a good moobie only because Bobo got a face full of hot sexy boobies.

X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND REVIEW

X-Men 3: The Last Stand – Okay, where to begin on this mess of a movie. Let start of by saying I had very low expectations about this film. After the awesome Bryan Singer left this project to work on Superman Returns I was worried that a decent movie trilogy would be capped off with total shit. Well I was half right. The movie isn’t total excrement but it sure doesn’t smell like roses either. Its simple if you don’t know the comics and you don’t know the characters and you like summer blockbusters then you will enjoy this movie. Its got all the guns, powers, explosions, and CGI you’d expect from a X-men summer action blockbuster. Now for the geek comic fan there are some things to like. There are even some moments that had me geeking out in all directions, but for those that know and care about the characters you will be sorely disappointed at the way characters are abused and exploited here. You will scoff at the sacrilege done to some very beloved characters. So I’m going to give this a dual rating one as a movie go-er (B) and one as a comic fan (C-).

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK WATCH MOVIE AND HULK NO KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE. SOME OF THEM LOOK LIKE HULK FRIENDS THE X-MEN SOME DO NOT. HULK KNOWS THE X-MEN AND THESE PUNY POSERS AIN’T THEM. HULK WATCH MOVIE AND CONFUSED TO SEE ICEMAN BEING BOYFRIEND OF ROGUE. ROGUE KISSED HULK ONCE. HULK FELT WEAK IN THE KNEES BUT AFTERWARDS HULK HAVE PLACE IN HULK’S HEART FOR ROGUE. HULK SECRETELY WANTS ROGUE TO BE HIS GF AND HE CAN BE HER BF 4-EVER. HULK SEE CATWOMAN LADY PRETEND TO BE STORM. WHICH ONE IS SHE? CATWOMAN OR STORM? HULK CONFUSED EVEN MORE.

Bobo: Bobo like this moobie. Another moobie that Bobo otherwise would want to throw Bobo’s turd nuggets at except for the fact that it has a hot nekkid blue chickie in it. Bobo do wonder what comic books have to do with Star Trek. Why bald captain man in this moobie. Bobo worried that Bobo would be lumped in with geek boy Trekkie crowd if he was seen in moobie so Bobo sat in the back and diddled his banana when hot nekkid blue chickie was on screen… and also when she wasn’t. Bobo like diddling his banana.

SOMERSAULT REVIEW

Somersault: This Australian film explores one confused and lonely girl’s search for intimacy and acceptance. Many of today’s youth confuse intimacy with sex and never think of the consequences of their ignorance. Heidi (played by Abbie Cornish) is no exception. Heidi is masterfully played with innocence, vulnerability, and bravery but never once shying away from the self destructive tendencies that would keep you from falling in love with such a girl. You want to love this girl but instead you end up pitying her. Her journey is a rollercoaster ride of guilt, fear, courage, happiness, sadness, and eventual forgiveness. The journey starts with the pain she suffers from the guilt over her mother’s anger and scorn when Heidi is found with the mother’s boyfriend. She escapes out of the city to visit a “friend” she’d met previously only to have the “friend” have no idea who she was. The rest I’ll leave for you to discover. The film is fleshed in beautiful shades of vibrant color that are as important part of the film as any actor. The camera work here is also mighty impressive. Watching a sweeping shot of a disheveled room you would think you were watching a sweeping shot of the Grand Canyon. My only complaint is the use (and overuse) of the camera being out of focus. A few times it works but the fact that its used too often hurts its effectiveness. This movie was a pleasant surprise to me. B+

Hulk: HULK NO LIKE THIS MOVIE. HULK NO UNDERSTAND WHAT MOVIE IS ABOUT. HULK DID LIKE WHEN PRETTY LADY PLAYED PATTY CAKE WITH RED GLOVES ON. HULK LOVE TO PLAY PATTY CAKE. HULK FORGET SOMETIMES THAT HULK IS STRONGEST ONE OF THEM ALL. ONE TIME HULK PLAYED PATTY CAKE WITH LITTLE BOY NEXT DOOR AND THE NEXT THING HULK KNEW LITTLE BOY WAS GONE. HULK LOOKED ALL OVER FOR HIM. HULK WAS SAD BECAUSE HULK REALLY REALLY WANTED TO PLAY PATTY CAKE. THEY FOUND LITTLE BOY IN A TREE A MILE AWAY.

Bobo: Bobo would normally hate this kinda artsy fartsy moobie but hot mama chickie gets nekkid and that means Bobo loves this moobie. Bobo think this maybe the hottest chickie Bobo has ever seen. When this moobie comes out on the DVD Bobo is gonna test this theory by throwin’ a pound of bacon at the tv. If it cooks then this chickie is officially the hottest chickie in the world.