MOVIES RANKED 9-1

9. SIN CITY – Another year and more comic book remakes. Thankfully this is an excellent one. I could understand how this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Its dark, in black & white, and corny at times and it perfectly captures the comic book. I wouldn’t change anything (cept for Nancy staying clothed that’s just wrong). A

Hulk Review: HULK NO GO TO SIN CITY. HULK NO FIND PLACE ON MAP.CAUSE HULK NO KNOW HOW READ MAP. HULK FRUSTRATED. HULK MAD. HULK MADDER. HULK MADDEST OF THEM ALL. THEN HULK FIND LOLIPOP ON GROUND HULK HAPPY.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo not understand why Charlie brown man wear glasses and cut up purty mengirls. Bobo think maybe Charlie brown man have pent up frustration with Lucy mangirl. Bobo see boobies and mens killin’ mens. Bobo very happy. Bobo maybe not discount classic black and white moobies no more.

8. BATMAN BEGINS – Another excellent comic book remake. This movie starts strong and finishes a little soft. Kinda like my buddy Eric with this weeks flavor of the week. This is a darker Batman than we’ve ever seen on the big screen. The villains are creepy, Gotham looks great and Christian Bale is the best Batman since Mr. Mom. The third act tends to weaken for me and makes the movie end a bit corny but overall this was a great and faithful adaptation for old Bats. A

Hulk Review: HULK HATE MOVIE. HULK HAVE TO FIGHT PUNY BAT-MAN MANY TIMES. HULK NO LIKE PUNY BAT-MAN. PUNY BAT-MAN THROW THINGS AT HULK AND HURT HULK. HULK WANT TO SMASH PUNY BAT-MAN. HULK TRY STOMP PUNY BAT-MAN AND PUNY BAT-MAN JUMP OUT OF HULK’S WAY. HULK TRY KICK PUNY BAT-MAN AND PUNY BAT-MAN JUMP ON TOP OF HULK SHOULDERS. HULK TRY AND GRAB PUNY BAT-MAN OFF HULK SHOULDERS AND PUNY BAT-MAN MAKE HULK BREATHE FUNNY AIR MAKE HULK GO SLEEP. HULK HATE PUNY BAT-MAN. HULK SAD CAUSE HULK POOP BIGGER THAN PUNY BAT-MAN AND PUNY BAT-MAN ALWAYS BEAT HULK. HULK NOT GIVE UP. HULK WILL GIVE MOVIE BAD REVIEW. MAKE PUNY BAT-MAN CRY. HULK WILL POINT HULK FINGER AT PUNY BAT-MAN AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. PUNY BAT-MAN NEVER BOTHER HULK AGAIN. PUNY BAT-MAN MOVIE WORSTEST MOVIE EVER. MAKE HULK PUKE AND POOP MOVIE SO BAD. MAKE HULK EYES NOT BE ABLE TO SEE AND MAKE HULK PEE-PEE FALL OFF. NO SEE MOVIE UNLESS YOU WANT SAME TO HAPPEN TO YOU THAT HAPPEN TO HULK.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis moobie. Bobo go see moobie and stupid menchilds be cryin and makin’ noise in moobie. Bobo get so mad Bobo poop on floor. Stupid menchilds then start kickin’ Bobo’s chair. Bobo get so mad he stand up on chair and pee in menchilds face. Menchilds manmom go get moobie usher. Moobie usher ask Bobo to leave. Bobo get so mad he climb up on moobie ushers head and hump his ear. Moobie usher run away and leave Bobo alone. Bobo sit down and watch moobie again but it too late moobie already over. Menchilds is stupid.

7. RENT – I loved this movie. You can call me a flamin’ girlie man but I thought it was terrific. The songs were great and the message was important. I saw the musical a couple of years ago and I liked it then. Rent works for me both on the stage and on the screen. A

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK LIKE SESAME STREET SONG THE BEST. HELP HULK COUNT. HULK WANT SOMEONE TO LIGHT HULK’S CANDLE. HULK NOT KNOW WHY PUNY HUMANS DIE ALL TIME AND WHY MEN BE SO FRIENDLY WITH MEN.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no see dis moobie. Bobo not gay.

6. A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE – Yet another comic book movie that makes my top ten. I was totally unprepared for how cool this movie was. Cronenberg does a masterful job of creating a movie that lets you peer into the lives of these people. Viggo is great and Harris is top notch. This movie had the balls to not pull any punches and we’re left with one of the absolute best movies I’ve seen in a long time. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO SEE MOVIE. HULK NOT LIKE HISTORY. HULK ONLY LIKE HISTORY IF HISTORY ABOUT HULK AND THEN ONLY IF HULK HISTORY ABOUT HULK SMASHIN’ THINGS.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo like dis moobie almost as much as Big Monkey moobie and Samuel L Jackson moobie. Dis mobie have mens shootin’ mens, hot trashy sexy mama boobies, and more mens shootin’ mens.

5. KING KONG – I love all things Kong. went into this movie with very high expectations. The original King Kong is one of my favorite movies and I grow to appreciate it more and more every time I watch it. I watched it 2 weeks ago to have it fresh on my mind to compare to Peter Jackson's version. I'm assuming you all have at least seen the original if not kick yourself in the @ss then go down to Best Buy and buy yourself a copy because this should be in your collection and only finish reading this email after you've watched it. Now for those of you that have watched the original read on. The movie clocks in at over 3 hours and honestly its a bit too long. Some of it is really self indulgent but some I prefer to the original (which clocked in 2 hours). The movie is a roller coaster ride for me, you see I went from likeing this film to not liking this film to being disappointed with this film back to liking this film to loving this film to holy shite this movie is awesome.

Lets start the rollercoaster shall we. We exit the gate in New York and we follow the story of Carl Denham (played by Jack Black). Jack Black is really great in this movie. He's made the Carl Denham character his own with out being a spoof which is what I was expecting. We learn the back story of all the main characters in the first hour which is about 15 minutes too long. Nothing terrible during this span just a bit drug out for me. The two other big characters are Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) and Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody). Naomi Watts is great but I'll get to that in a minute. Brody does a good job and I'm ok with the character change from the ship's first mate to Playwright. No real complaints but not a real standout performance by Brody. After New York they make their way to Skull Island which is pretty true to the original no real complaints here and they've cranked the danger level of the island up to 11. I like the portrayal of the savages and all that comes with them. It is here that we get to meet the one character I really came to see. The centerpiece of this movie is Kong and he completely steals the show. He overshadows everyone and everything in this movie and is probably the single best special effect I've ever scene on film. Forget about Star Wars, Terminator 2, The Abyss, Jurassic Park, or even Narnia because Kong blows them all out of the water. Usually with CGI special effects you click the part of your brain off that tells you its too perfect looking or cartoony to be real and you buy the performance anyway (ie Gollum in LOTR) but with Kong you never have to give it a second thought. You look at Kong and you see an extremely believable fierce intelligent creature. I want to see this movie over and over just to watch Kong. The original flicks T-Rex Battle is considered one of the best onscreen fight scenes in all cinema and this time around we get Kong fighting not one but three T-Rexes. The scene is kick @ss and even though its a suped up version of the original it doesn't fail to pay homage with little details that I just loved. If you are a fan of the original you will know what I'm talking about after you see this film. Naomi Watts does a great job of making you think she really is interacting with a 25 foot gorilla. She is really strong in this performance and definitely does Fay Wray's legacy justice with her portrayal of Ann Darrow. After Kong grabs Ann we really get to see the Island. Everything about the island is great from crazy creatures, dinosaurs, creepy insects, weird maggot monsters, hairless bats and is a beautiful backdrop for this chapter of the story. I'm sure you're thinking if you loved everything so far what was bad. There was some really inexcusable blue screen here. This may sound nitpicky but the bar for the rest of the SFX is so high that the bad blue screen really stands out. There's also a totally unnecessary dinosaur chase scene that I really do not care for. This entire segment needed to be trimmed down or cut out entirely. The film then picks back up and puts the focus back where it needs to be, on Kong and heads back to New York. This is where the movie really shines for me. I could see how some people would really love Skull Island but its all the scenes in New York that I absolutely love. There's an extremely sad scene with Watts and Kong that is probably my favorite onscreen moment of this year and definitely in my top 5 all time. I won't give it away because its not in the original. This is what makes me love movies so much. Its a small but completely important part of the film and made the tragic ending that much more powerful. The fall of Kong in the '33 flick is one of the most iconic moments in movie history and this movie completely does it justice. I am completely in awe at what was accomplished with Kong. Absolutely brilliant. A

Hulk Review: HULK LOVE MOVIE. HULK LOVE KONG. HULK LOVE SMASH STUFF. KONG LOVE SMASH STUFF. HULK WANT TO BE BEST BUDS WITH KONG. HULK LOVE IT WHEN KONG FIGHT SHARP TOOTHS FROM LAND BEFORE TIME MOVIE. KONG NOT AFRAID OF SHARP TOOTHS. HULK NOT AFRAID EITHER. HULK SAD WHEN KONG GET SHOOTED UP BY AIRPLANES. HULK CRY AND CRY WHEN KONG FALL OF BIG TALL BUILDING. WHY KONG HAVE TO DIE? WHY? HULK WOULD HAVE SAVED KONG. KONG WOULD THEN LET HULK BE KONG’S BEST BUD. HULK GO SEE MOVIE AGAIN TOMORROW AND SEE IF KONG WILL LET HULK SAVE KONG.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie!!! Bobo at first no like dis moobie. Mens just talk and talk and ride on boat. Bobo hate riding on boats and mens that talk and talk. When Bobo see Kong Bobo get so excited Bobo start jumpin’ up and down. Bobo start pullin out Bobo’s hair. Bobo even get stiff banana from Kong (but don’t tell Bobo’s girlfriend). Bobo love to see Kong eat mens. Bobo get so excited Bobo bite man sitting next to Bobo. Man punch Bobo in Bobo’s face. Bobo wish Bobo big like Kong. Bobo would bite man sitting next to Bobo in half and step on man’s ugly wife. Bobo seen dis mobie now 49 times. Bobo love dis moobie!!!

4. CAPOTE – This is one of the best biopics I’ve ever seen. This movie will most definitely get PSH a well deserved Oscar nod. He totally transforms into Truman Capote on the screen. The performance was brilliant. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK FREAKED OUT BY PUNY GIRLY MAN. HULK GET UNCOMFORTABLE IN HULK’S SEAT WATCHING PUNY GIRLY MAN SWISH AS GIRLY MAN WALKS. HULK NOT BELIEVE MAN ACTUAL MAN. HULK DO WEAR SCARF LIKE GIRLY MAN. HULK LIKE FUZZY SCARF. KEEP HULK NECK WARM.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis moobie. Bobo get bored. Bobo would go home but Bobo’s girlfriend get monthly visitor. Bobo no better than go home. Good thing Bobo bring Gameboy.

3. 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN – Chalk up another well written and extremely funny comedy for Judd Apatow. He’s quickly becoming one of my favorite writers working today. This comedy has its share of dick and fart jokes but it never becomes crude and always is funny. Seth Rogan was the stand out for me and I’m looking forward to getting the Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared DVD’s so I can see more of him. Really funny stuff. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. IT HIT TO CLOSE TO HULK HOME. HULK NEVER KNOW WHAT IT LIKE TO MAKE HULK LOVE. HULK AVENGER FRIENDS TRY AND HELP HULK JUST LIKE ANDY FRIENDS. HULK AVENGER FRIENDS CONVINCED SCARLET WITCH PRETTY LADY TO “TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM”. HULK NO UNDERSTAND REFERENCE HULK JUST HAPPY TO MAKE HULK LOVE.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo at first did not want to see dis moobie. Why Bobo want to see a movie about old man that has no sex. Bobo love funny Indian guy but Bobo no understand why he say sex is about love and not dirty trombones and butt hole pleasures. Bobo say F**K that. Bobo give Bobo’s girlfriend a dirty sanchez every night before nighty night.

2. KISS, KISS, BANG, BANG – This is the best least watched movie in America. This was definitely the smartest comedy I’ve seen in a long time. If you didn’t see this in the theater (which is just about everyone) you missed out. A+

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE THIS MOVIE. HULK FIRST REALLY LIKE MOVIE. HULK GO TO HULK FAVORITE THEATER. HULK BUY TICKET. HULK GET HULK SIZED POPCORN AND SODA. HULK GET FAVORITE SEAT IN HULK FAVORITE THEATER. HULK SEES TWO HULK FRIENDS ON SCREEN. HULK FRIENDS DRIVE AROUND IN FAST CAR. HULK LIKE PRETTY LADY. HULK FRIENDS OUTRUN BAD GUYS AND SAVE DAY. HULK HAPPY. HULK LEAVES FAVORITE THEATER AND HULK REALISES HULK JUST SAW DUKES OF HAZARD.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis moobie. Again moobie mens trick Bobo. Bobo expect sexy sexy moobie and Bobo get moobie bout queer boy real genius man and rich boy weird science man. Bobo did like hot sexy mama lady. Bobo got so excited Bobo stuck banana in hot car muffler. Bobo’s banana scarred for life. Bobo can’t make sweet monkey love for 2 weeks.

1. KUNG-FU HUSTLE – I went into this flick expecting to see a slapstick kung-fu comedy. I left the theater with my mind filled with kung-fu goodness and my side hurting from laughing so hard. This was without a doubt the most fun movie I watched in the theater all year. A+

Hulk Review: HULK LOVE MOVIE. HULK LAUGH WHEN MAN GET KNIFE IN ARM. HULK LAUGH MORE WHEN MAN GET FLOWER POT DROPPED ON HEAD. HULK LAUGHED EVEN MORE WHEN MAN JUMPED LIKE FROG. HULK LAUGHED MOSTEST WHEN SNAKE BITE MAN IN FACE. HULK LAUGH SO HARD HULK PEE HULK PANTS. HULK EMBARASSED. HULK SMART. HULK FIX PROBLEM. HULK TAKE OFF PANTS.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo Karate’ed little mangirl that sit next to Bobo. Bobo laugh. Bobo make little girl cry. Bobo then Karate’ed old man behind Bobo. Bobo make old man cry. Bobo laugh. Bobo then Karate’ed man in wheelchair next to old man. Bobo make wheelchair man cry. Bobo laugh. Bobo best karate’er ever. Bobo have best time in moobie.

MOVIES RANKED 19-10

19. THE ARISTOCRATS – I really enjoyed this filthy, sick, disgusting, and completely hilarious movie. I laughed out loud more times in this movie than any other. Why then did I rank it so low? It was about a half hour too long. This movie is the filthiest movie I’ve ever seen and I loved every bit of it. If it was a bit shorter it would have been in my top ten for sure. B-

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE THIS MOVIE. PUNY HUMANS JUST TALKIN’ AND TALKIN’ AND TALKIN’ BOUT POOP AND PEE-PEE AND DOGGIES AND MOMMIES AND THE CIRCUS. NO ‘SPLOSIONS OR SMASHING. WHY FOLKS WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE HULK NOT KNOW. HULK NO UNDERSTAND PUNY HUMANS ANYMORE?

Bobo’s Review: Bobo like dis mobie. Bobo first hear about “filthiest mobie ever made” and Bobo get excited. Bobo run home get Bobo’s warming lotion and splooge towel and go see mobie. At first Bobo angry. Mens just talk and talk and talk. Bobo want to see boobies. Then Bobo listen. Bobo hear talk of poo-poo and taco dogs. Bobo laugh and laugh. Bobo love mobie even though Bobo not get joke.

18. ZATHURA – This was without a doubt one of the most fun movies I watched this year. It had great special fx, a good story, decent acting, and just a ton of fun. Best family movie I’ve seen in a long time. B

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE. MOVIE MAKE HULK HAPPY WITH LOTS OF ‘SPLOSIONS BUT ALSO MAKE HULK SAD. HULK WANT A BABY HULK BROTHER. HULK NOT BE MEAN TO BABY HULK BROTHER LIKE BOY IN MOVIE. HULK CONFUSED ABOUT ASTRONAUT. HULK NO KNOW WHERE ASTRONAUT GO? ALSO HOW HOUSE GET IN SPACE? HULK CAN THROW HOUSE IN SPACE BUT HULK NOT IN MOVIE. LEFT HULK SCRATCHING HULK’S HEAD.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not like this mobie. Bobo not like mamby pamby sissy movie. Bobo did like purty girl in mobie. Bobo had to go to bathroom to think about her. Make Bobo feel warm inside and stiff in loin.

17. CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE – This is yet another film that I was disappointed in. I’ve never read any of the books so I have nothing to compare the movie with. This film did so well on so much that it forgot to get the core elements right. It had a good story, photo realistic sfx, an awesome setting, but unfortunately the actors that played the children that are the focus of the film are terrible. I just didn’t care for any of them. The beavers ruled though. B

Hulk Review: HULK LOVE MOVIE. HULK WANT TALKING BEAVER. HULK PROMISE NOT TO SMASH IF SOMEONE GIVE HULK TALKING BEAVER. HULK WILL SMASH SCARY WHITE LADY. SHE TRIED TO HURT HULK’S FRIEND THE TALKING BEAVER. HULK WANT TO GO TO NARNIA. HULK TRY TO GO IN HULK CLOSET BUT WAS TOO DARK AND SCARED HULK.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not see this mobie. Bobo had Hershey squirts and did not want to leave house. Bobo spray poo-poo out Bobo’s butt with more pressure than a super soaker. Bobo have big old time spraying mens as mens walk by Bobo’s house. Bobo could not let opportunity pass Bobo up.

16. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE – This series keeps getting better and better. This is the first Potter film that I hadn’t read a corresponding book for so my comparisons will only be against the other films. This movie was actually way darker than I imagined. Everything about this flick was good my only problem is it seemed a bit rushed. I think if I read the book I’ll be able to put my finger on the problem more. I really enjoyed this flick though. B

Hulk Review: HULK NO GO SEE MOVIE. HULK GO SEE HULK FRIEND TALKING BEAVER MOVIE AGAIN. HULK ANGRY AGAIN AT WHITE LADY SHE TRIED TO HURT HULK FRIEND TALKING BEAVER AGAIN. HULK THREATEN TO SMASH AGAIN. HULK WILL GO SEE MOVIE AGAIN TOMORROW AND SEE IF WHITE LADY WILL LISTEN TO HULK. IF NOT HULK WILL SMASH.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo seen dis mobie before. Why mobie mens put out da same mobie in da mobie house every year? Bobo smarter than mobie mens Bobo no go to mobie this year since Bobo seen dis mobie before. Bobo liked mobie the first time he saw it.

15. WAR OF THE WORLDS – I was blown away by this movie when I first saw this in the theater. The first hour was an edge of your seat thrill ride. The SFX are top notch, the acting is great, and cinematography is beautiful. My only real complaints is it doesn’t hold up nearly as much on multiple viewings. B+

Hulk Review: HULK LOVED MOVIE. ONLY THING THAT COULD MAKE MOVIE BETTER IS IF HULK WAS IN MOVIE. SMASH, SMASH, SMASH, LOUD, BANG, POW, BOOM. HULK LIKE WHEN HUMANS ‘SPLODE INTO DUST. HULK CAN DO THAT IF HULK WANTS TO. HULK JUST HAVE TO BE IN RIGHT HULK MOOD TO SMASH HUMANS SO HARD TO MAKE THEM DUST.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo like dis mobie but wish Samuel L. Jackson in mobie instead of queer boy Tommie Cruise boat. Bobo like seeing mens explode into dust. Bobo cheer and holler for spacemens. Bobo confused why spacemens fall down and die. Spacemens blow up mens but then die. Why come to earth in the first place to just fall down and die. Bobo done thinking bout spacemens. If spacemens were made up of a bunch of Bobo’s mafia cousins they not just fall down and die they pop a cap in sumbody’s ass. Bobo cheer even louder then.

14. WALLACE AND GROMIT AND THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT- Wallace and Gromit rule on some many levels. This movie did not disappoint. The story is great, the dialogue is witty, and the stop-motion was superb. Ton of fun B+

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE BUT HULK CONFUSED AGAIN. WHY HUMANS CARE IF RABBIT EATS VEGETABLES? HULK HATE EATING VEGETABLES. HULK EVEN SECRETLY HATES EATING GREEN ONES. HULK LOVES THEM AND HATES THEM AT THE SAME TIME. HULK LOVES THE GREEN. HULK HATE THE TASTE. WHY NO VEGETABLES TASTE LIKE CANDY? HULK LIKE CANDY.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not see dis mobie. Bobo went to strip club instead. Bobo rather see purty mengirls take off G-strings than waste time on G-rated mobies.

13. SERENITY – Lots of fun for both the “Firefly Fan” and the newbies. Being a fan I was not disappointed with this excellent sci-fi finale to an excellent sci-fi tv series. A-

Hulk Review: HULK DID NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. HULK NOT SEE MOVIE WHERE HULK NOT KNOW WHAT TITLE MEANS.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not see dis mobie. Bobo wouldn’t be caught dead being seen at queer boy trekkie mobie. Bobo got Bobo’s reputation to think about. If Bobo finds out one of da hot mama mengirls shows her boobies Bobo will watch dis mobie. Mengirls in mobie are from hot-lanta they so hot. Make Bobo wanna hump a Chihuahua.

12. WALK THE LINE – Another year another biopic about a recently deceased beloved musical icon. Fortunately for us this is a great one versus that schlock from last year. I’m glad they didn’t cover his entire life, the focus is where its needs to be and that’s Cash’s rise to stardom. I was a bit turned off at first by Phoenix, he had the look and the mannerism down but when he first sings it didn’t sell me for Cash. The more you watch and listen he really does make you believe he’s Cash. His later songs with June (played by the excellent Reese Witherspoon) are very good. Their version of Jackson really works for me. This movie was a little saccharine sweet but it worked for me on so many levels. It does Cash’s life and music justice. A-

Hulk Review: HULK DID NOT LIKE MOVIE. HULK LIKE TO SING WITH SINGING MAN BUT SINGING ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT PRISON. HULK NO WANT TO GO TO PRISON. HULK WILL SING ABOUT TALKING BEAVERS AND ‘SPLOSIONS INSTEAD.
HULK LOVE TALKING BEAVERS
HULK LOVE SPLOSIONS
HULK LOVE HULK
HULK LOVE TALKING BEAVERS AND SPLOSIONS AND HULK
HULK LOVE TALKING BEAVERS AND SPLOSIONS AND HULK
YEAH!!!

Bobo’s Review: Bobo like dis mobie. Bobo watch any mobie with sexy hot mama mangirl Reese Witherspoon Bobo not understand why sexy hot mama mangirl Reese Witherspoon would like queer boy Wacky Phoenix man. Bobo still like mobie Twilight as best sexy hot mama mangirl Reeese Witherspoon mobie cause Bobo get to see sexy hot mama mangirl Reese Witherspoon’s boobies.

11. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK – An excellent movie that’s brilliantly shot by George Clooney. The framing of this movie is some of the best I’ve ever seen. This is a movie that will be studied and copied for a long time. This is one of the best movies of the year. A

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK WANTED TO HEAR A BEDTIME STORY SO HULK WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE. HULK ONLY HEARD HUMANS TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING. BUT HULK FALL ASLEEP ANYWAY. HULK HAPPY WITH THIS BEDTIME STORY. HULK KNOW IT DIFFERENT BUT HULK THINK IT EFFECTIVE.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not like dis mobie. Bobo watched til half past Bobo’s ass then Bobo left cause Bobo afraid Bobo would die from Bobo being bored. No mens dieing, no boobies, mobie in black and white. Why mobie in black and white? Is dis another trick from mobie mens to make Bobo watch old crappy mobies? Bobo won’t fall for that trick again.

10. CINDERELLA MAN – This is a movie I did not check out in the theater.
This terrific movie focuses on the Great Depression and what one man did to try and keep his dignity and his family during this terrible time. Sure its got a hefty dose of sugary sweetness but it does take away from a well done flick. Russell Crowe proves again why he’s one of the best actors working today. He consistently picks excellent projects and he excels in each of his performances. I’m looking forward to digging thru the extras on the DVD. A

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE BUT HULK GETTING TIRED OF BEING TRICKED BY MOVIE. HULK THINK THIS A DISNEY MOVIE SEQUEL. HULK WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING TALKING MICE AGAIN BUT HULK AT LEAST GET TO SEE HUMANS PUNCHING EACH OTHER.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not like dis mobie. Bobo thought dis mobie would be new sex mobie about crazy cross dressing princess fairy boys. Bobo half right.

MOVIES RANKED 27-20

27. LAND OF THE DEAD – I really don’t think I saw a terrible movie all year. I saw many that I was disappointed in but none that I absolutely regretted seeing. I probably would have regretted it if I’d actually paid money to see LotD in the theater, you see I watched this one on a long flight to Australia. This film wasn’t great cinema but it passed the time well. For all the talk of a new “OF THE DEAD” movie I walked away from this one entertained but very little else. SCORE: D

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK NO LIKE STIFF FOLKS THAT EAT FOLKS. WHY EAT FOLKS JUST SMASH FOLKS. HULK DO LIKE WHEN STIFF FOLKS SMASH STUFF CAUSE THEY NOT AS GOOD AT SMASHIN’ STUFF AS HULK IS AT SMASHIN’ STUFF. HULK DID LIKE PRETTY SPARKLIES IN MOVIE.

BoBo’s Review: Bobo not sure if he likes dis mobie. Lots of mens get eated or shooted up in dis mobie but dis mobie had no boobies. Boobies need to be in scary mobies. Bobo like boobies.


26. KINGDOM OF HEAVEN – I had high hopes for this movie and it had flashes of cool but it could not overcome that craptastic acting of Orlando Bloom. Liam Neeson, Jeremy Irons, and even Ed Norton try their damndest but an overlong movie and Orlando Bloom’s whining made this a D+ movie at best. SCORE: D+

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. MOVIE MAKE HULK’S BUTT HURT FROM MAKING HULK SIT ON HULK’S BUTT FOR SO LONG. IF HULK COULD SEE IN DARK HULK WOULD HAVE LEFT MOVIE. MOVIE DID HAVE LOTS OF SMASHIN’ IN END SO HULK OKAY WITH HURT BUTT IN THE END.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo did not like dis mobie. Bobo wanted to see Maximan from Gladiator mobie since mobie made by Gladiator mobie man. Orlando Bloom is too purty for Bobo. Maximan should cut off Orlando Bloom purty head for making such a bad mobie. Bobo pee on purty man’s face.


25. THE ISLAND – This is another movie that I watched on a long plane ride that was entertaining enough but was an overall disappointment. Scarlet Johansen is hot and Ewan McGregor is competent but the chemistry just isn’t there. Also it just seems like this concept has been done to death. C-


Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. WHEN HULK HEAR SCARLET IN MOVIE. HULK COULD NOT WAIT TO SEE SNAKE EYES OR STORM SHADOW IN MOVIE. HULK NO SEE EITHER ONE. HULK AT LEAST WANT TO SEE QUICK KICK BUT NO QUICK KICK FOR HULK. HULK SO MAD AT MOVIE HULK CRY FOR 2 DAYS AND NO SMASHIN’ FOR HULK. HULK DID SMASH GARBAGE TRUCK AND THAT MAKE HULK FEEL BETTER BUT NOT BY MUCH.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis mobie. Bobo was confused mens want to go to Island then mens not want to go to island. Bobo say make up mens minds cause you make Bobo’s brain hurt. Scarlet girl is purty make Bobo have stiff banana.

24. THE PRODUCERS – Another movie and another disappointment. I’ve never seen the original 1968 film or watched the musical so I really don’t have anything to compare this film to. The songs were catchy and most of the jokes were funny. I just never really cared for the two main characters and that was a big dent in my enjoyment. Matthew Broderick was the biggest letdown for me. If the original was anything like this movie I really do not care to see it. C-

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK LIKE SINGIN’ FOLKS CAUSE HULK LIKE TO SING. YOU WANT TO HEAR HULK SING? HULK LOVE TO SING WITH BIRDIES IN SKY. HULK LIKE SINGING SO MUCH HE ONLY SMASH A LITTLE TODAY SINCE HULK WOULD RATHER SING THAN SMASH.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo not see dis mobie cause Bobo was busy lovin’ Bobo’s girlfriend. Bobo’s girlfriend likes the way Bobo uses Bobo’s hot dog on Bobo’s girlfriend’s taco. Taco Dogs for dinner tonite.

23. HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY – This is a movie I wanted to love. I liked the books and was really rooting for this one. It ended up being an almost for me. I liked all the main characters and even loved a few but it just didn’t come together for me. It was like it got the body and most of the innards but no heart. C

Hulk Review: HULK NO SEE MOVIE. HULK THUNKED THIS MOVIE WAS A BOOK AND HULK NO LIKE TO READ. HULK GOT NO TIME FOR WORDS. WORDS MAKE HULK HEAD HURT.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis mobie. Too much talkin’ and no mens die and no boobies. Bobo had to drink lots of banana tequila to make Bobo forget dis mobie.

22. LORDS OF DOGTOWN – This is a movie I really dug and if I hadn’t already seen the great documentary DOGTOWN AND Z-BOYS I would have probably ranked this movie higher. It was a fun flick with a great soundtrack. If you’ve already seen the wonderful documentary you really do not have any need to see this movie other than to see Heath Ledger’s really decent performance. C

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK MAD AT MOVIE FOR MAKING HULK WANT TO SKATEBOARD. HULK ONLY HURT HULK BUTT WHEN HULK TRIES TO BE LIKE SKATEBOARD FOLKS.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis mobie. Too many menboys with no shirts on. If more mengirls with no shirts on Bobo would like mobie.

21. CONSTANTINE – This is a movie that I was pleasantly surprised with. I went into this movie with zero expectations and was given a fun, well written, decent fxed movie that made me want to read the comic books. Keanu is decent and Rachel Weiz is hot. C+

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK GET SCARED OF MONSTER MADE OF FLIES. HULK HATE FLIES. HULK ALSO NOW SCARED TO TAKE BATH SINCE WATER MAKE YOU GO TO HELL. MAKE HULK WANT TO RUN OUT OF THEATER BUT HULK JUST HIDE BEHIND BUCKET OF POPCORN.

Bobo’s review: Bobo no like dis mobie. Why Matrixman fight demons and monsters instead of mens in sunglasses. Matrixman did no kungfuing or flying in this mobie either. Bobo would rather eat his own poo-poo than see this mobie again. Bobo like taste of Bobo’s poo-poo.

20. STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH – I think when I first reviewed this movie I think I was kinder to it than it deserves. I even compared it to the mighty ESB. This movie doesn’t belong in the same sentence as ESB. Its not terrible by any means but after multiple viewings its problems are very apparent. Hayden Christian is just plain awful. He’s better here than he is in the last Star Wars but that ain’t saying much. Portman is terrible as well. Yea the wookies are cool, the battles are nifty, Palpatine kicks ass but it’s pretty wrapping paper on a bad Christmas gift. Its mostly a bad movie no matter how you slice it. I only give it a decent score due to my love of the series and the fact that its better than the last two prequels. C+

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE THIS MOVIE. IT MAKES LOTS OF SMASHIN’ SOUNDS AND ‘SPLOSIONS. YODA ALSO HULK’S FAVORITE THING EVER. YODA SO SMALL AND CUTE AND GREEN. HULK ALSO NO LIKE ANAKIN NO MORE. HE MEAN TO CUTIE PIE QUENIE LADY.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo like dis mobie cause it got da baddest blackest mofo in da galaxy init. Nuff said.

2005 MOVIES WE SAW.

Here is a listing of all movies we saw. We'll be putting each of our reviews up over the next couple of days.


RANK MOVIES
27 LAND OF THE DEAD
26 KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
25 THE ISLAND
24 THE PRODUCERS
23 HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
22 LORDS OF DOGTOWN
21 CONSTANTINE
20 STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH
19 THE ARISTOCRATS
18 ZATHURA
17 CHRONICLES OF NARNIA
16 HARRY POTTER: THE GOBLET OF FIRE
15 WAR OF THE WORLD
14 WALLACE AND GROMIT AND THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT
13 SERENITY
12 WALK THE LINE
11 GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
10 CINDERELLA MAN
9 SIN CITY
8 BATMAN BEGINS
7 RENT
6 A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
5 KING KONG
4 CAPOTE
3 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN
2 KISS, KISS, BANG, BANG
1 KUNG FU HUSTLE

WELCOME

Welcome to Mike, the Hulk, and Bobo’s movie review blog. This is where the three of us will give you our thoughts on current movie releases in the theater and on DVD.

Who are we?

Michael Eskew. I have a love of all things cinema and like to share my thoughts on the matter. My favorite movie of all time is Pulp Fiction.

Hulk. HULK LIKE MOVIES. HULK LIKE TO SEE THINGS ‘SPLODE ON SCREEN AND MAKE BIG SMASH POW BANG NOISES. HULK ALSO LOVES THINGS THAT ARE GREEN. HULK IS GREEN. HULK LOVES HULK. HULK FAVORITE MOVIES IS INCREDIBLE HULK AND THE MUPPET MOVIE.

Bobo. Bobo is a handsome young monkey named Bobo. He likes all things to do with Samuel L. Jackson and boobies. Da two most bestest mobies in da world is “Long Kiss Goodnight” and “Shaft”. Both mobies got the baddest blackest mofo in da world in ‘em. That chickie was hot too.