MOVIES RANKED 9-1

9. SIN CITY – Another year and more comic book remakes. Thankfully this is an excellent one. I could understand how this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Its dark, in black & white, and corny at times and it perfectly captures the comic book. I wouldn’t change anything (cept for Nancy staying clothed that’s just wrong). A

Hulk Review: HULK NO GO TO SIN CITY. HULK NO FIND PLACE ON MAP.CAUSE HULK NO KNOW HOW READ MAP. HULK FRUSTRATED. HULK MAD. HULK MADDER. HULK MADDEST OF THEM ALL. THEN HULK FIND LOLIPOP ON GROUND HULK HAPPY.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo not understand why Charlie brown man wear glasses and cut up purty mengirls. Bobo think maybe Charlie brown man have pent up frustration with Lucy mangirl. Bobo see boobies and mens killin’ mens. Bobo very happy. Bobo maybe not discount classic black and white moobies no more.

8. BATMAN BEGINS – Another excellent comic book remake. This movie starts strong and finishes a little soft. Kinda like my buddy Eric with this weeks flavor of the week. This is a darker Batman than we’ve ever seen on the big screen. The villains are creepy, Gotham looks great and Christian Bale is the best Batman since Mr. Mom. The third act tends to weaken for me and makes the movie end a bit corny but overall this was a great and faithful adaptation for old Bats. A

Hulk Review: HULK HATE MOVIE. HULK HAVE TO FIGHT PUNY BAT-MAN MANY TIMES. HULK NO LIKE PUNY BAT-MAN. PUNY BAT-MAN THROW THINGS AT HULK AND HURT HULK. HULK WANT TO SMASH PUNY BAT-MAN. HULK TRY STOMP PUNY BAT-MAN AND PUNY BAT-MAN JUMP OUT OF HULK’S WAY. HULK TRY KICK PUNY BAT-MAN AND PUNY BAT-MAN JUMP ON TOP OF HULK SHOULDERS. HULK TRY AND GRAB PUNY BAT-MAN OFF HULK SHOULDERS AND PUNY BAT-MAN MAKE HULK BREATHE FUNNY AIR MAKE HULK GO SLEEP. HULK HATE PUNY BAT-MAN. HULK SAD CAUSE HULK POOP BIGGER THAN PUNY BAT-MAN AND PUNY BAT-MAN ALWAYS BEAT HULK. HULK NOT GIVE UP. HULK WILL GIVE MOVIE BAD REVIEW. MAKE PUNY BAT-MAN CRY. HULK WILL POINT HULK FINGER AT PUNY BAT-MAN AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. PUNY BAT-MAN NEVER BOTHER HULK AGAIN. PUNY BAT-MAN MOVIE WORSTEST MOVIE EVER. MAKE HULK PUKE AND POOP MOVIE SO BAD. MAKE HULK EYES NOT BE ABLE TO SEE AND MAKE HULK PEE-PEE FALL OFF. NO SEE MOVIE UNLESS YOU WANT SAME TO HAPPEN TO YOU THAT HAPPEN TO HULK.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis moobie. Bobo go see moobie and stupid menchilds be cryin and makin’ noise in moobie. Bobo get so mad Bobo poop on floor. Stupid menchilds then start kickin’ Bobo’s chair. Bobo get so mad he stand up on chair and pee in menchilds face. Menchilds manmom go get moobie usher. Moobie usher ask Bobo to leave. Bobo get so mad he climb up on moobie ushers head and hump his ear. Moobie usher run away and leave Bobo alone. Bobo sit down and watch moobie again but it too late moobie already over. Menchilds is stupid.

7. RENT – I loved this movie. You can call me a flamin’ girlie man but I thought it was terrific. The songs were great and the message was important. I saw the musical a couple of years ago and I liked it then. Rent works for me both on the stage and on the screen. A

Hulk Review: HULK LIKE MOVIE. HULK LIKE SESAME STREET SONG THE BEST. HELP HULK COUNT. HULK WANT SOMEONE TO LIGHT HULK’S CANDLE. HULK NOT KNOW WHY PUNY HUMANS DIE ALL TIME AND WHY MEN BE SO FRIENDLY WITH MEN.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no see dis moobie. Bobo not gay.

6. A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE – Yet another comic book movie that makes my top ten. I was totally unprepared for how cool this movie was. Cronenberg does a masterful job of creating a movie that lets you peer into the lives of these people. Viggo is great and Harris is top notch. This movie had the balls to not pull any punches and we’re left with one of the absolute best movies I’ve seen in a long time. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO SEE MOVIE. HULK NOT LIKE HISTORY. HULK ONLY LIKE HISTORY IF HISTORY ABOUT HULK AND THEN ONLY IF HULK HISTORY ABOUT HULK SMASHIN’ THINGS.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo like dis moobie almost as much as Big Monkey moobie and Samuel L Jackson moobie. Dis mobie have mens shootin’ mens, hot trashy sexy mama boobies, and more mens shootin’ mens.

5. KING KONG – I love all things Kong. went into this movie with very high expectations. The original King Kong is one of my favorite movies and I grow to appreciate it more and more every time I watch it. I watched it 2 weeks ago to have it fresh on my mind to compare to Peter Jackson's version. I'm assuming you all have at least seen the original if not kick yourself in the @ss then go down to Best Buy and buy yourself a copy because this should be in your collection and only finish reading this email after you've watched it. Now for those of you that have watched the original read on. The movie clocks in at over 3 hours and honestly its a bit too long. Some of it is really self indulgent but some I prefer to the original (which clocked in 2 hours). The movie is a roller coaster ride for me, you see I went from likeing this film to not liking this film to being disappointed with this film back to liking this film to loving this film to holy shite this movie is awesome.

Lets start the rollercoaster shall we. We exit the gate in New York and we follow the story of Carl Denham (played by Jack Black). Jack Black is really great in this movie. He's made the Carl Denham character his own with out being a spoof which is what I was expecting. We learn the back story of all the main characters in the first hour which is about 15 minutes too long. Nothing terrible during this span just a bit drug out for me. The two other big characters are Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) and Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody). Naomi Watts is great but I'll get to that in a minute. Brody does a good job and I'm ok with the character change from the ship's first mate to Playwright. No real complaints but not a real standout performance by Brody. After New York they make their way to Skull Island which is pretty true to the original no real complaints here and they've cranked the danger level of the island up to 11. I like the portrayal of the savages and all that comes with them. It is here that we get to meet the one character I really came to see. The centerpiece of this movie is Kong and he completely steals the show. He overshadows everyone and everything in this movie and is probably the single best special effect I've ever scene on film. Forget about Star Wars, Terminator 2, The Abyss, Jurassic Park, or even Narnia because Kong blows them all out of the water. Usually with CGI special effects you click the part of your brain off that tells you its too perfect looking or cartoony to be real and you buy the performance anyway (ie Gollum in LOTR) but with Kong you never have to give it a second thought. You look at Kong and you see an extremely believable fierce intelligent creature. I want to see this movie over and over just to watch Kong. The original flicks T-Rex Battle is considered one of the best onscreen fight scenes in all cinema and this time around we get Kong fighting not one but three T-Rexes. The scene is kick @ss and even though its a suped up version of the original it doesn't fail to pay homage with little details that I just loved. If you are a fan of the original you will know what I'm talking about after you see this film. Naomi Watts does a great job of making you think she really is interacting with a 25 foot gorilla. She is really strong in this performance and definitely does Fay Wray's legacy justice with her portrayal of Ann Darrow. After Kong grabs Ann we really get to see the Island. Everything about the island is great from crazy creatures, dinosaurs, creepy insects, weird maggot monsters, hairless bats and is a beautiful backdrop for this chapter of the story. I'm sure you're thinking if you loved everything so far what was bad. There was some really inexcusable blue screen here. This may sound nitpicky but the bar for the rest of the SFX is so high that the bad blue screen really stands out. There's also a totally unnecessary dinosaur chase scene that I really do not care for. This entire segment needed to be trimmed down or cut out entirely. The film then picks back up and puts the focus back where it needs to be, on Kong and heads back to New York. This is where the movie really shines for me. I could see how some people would really love Skull Island but its all the scenes in New York that I absolutely love. There's an extremely sad scene with Watts and Kong that is probably my favorite onscreen moment of this year and definitely in my top 5 all time. I won't give it away because its not in the original. This is what makes me love movies so much. Its a small but completely important part of the film and made the tragic ending that much more powerful. The fall of Kong in the '33 flick is one of the most iconic moments in movie history and this movie completely does it justice. I am completely in awe at what was accomplished with Kong. Absolutely brilliant. A

Hulk Review: HULK LOVE MOVIE. HULK LOVE KONG. HULK LOVE SMASH STUFF. KONG LOVE SMASH STUFF. HULK WANT TO BE BEST BUDS WITH KONG. HULK LOVE IT WHEN KONG FIGHT SHARP TOOTHS FROM LAND BEFORE TIME MOVIE. KONG NOT AFRAID OF SHARP TOOTHS. HULK NOT AFRAID EITHER. HULK SAD WHEN KONG GET SHOOTED UP BY AIRPLANES. HULK CRY AND CRY WHEN KONG FALL OF BIG TALL BUILDING. WHY KONG HAVE TO DIE? WHY? HULK WOULD HAVE SAVED KONG. KONG WOULD THEN LET HULK BE KONG’S BEST BUD. HULK GO SEE MOVIE AGAIN TOMORROW AND SEE IF KONG WILL LET HULK SAVE KONG.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie!!! Bobo at first no like dis moobie. Mens just talk and talk and ride on boat. Bobo hate riding on boats and mens that talk and talk. When Bobo see Kong Bobo get so excited Bobo start jumpin’ up and down. Bobo start pullin out Bobo’s hair. Bobo even get stiff banana from Kong (but don’t tell Bobo’s girlfriend). Bobo love to see Kong eat mens. Bobo get so excited Bobo bite man sitting next to Bobo. Man punch Bobo in Bobo’s face. Bobo wish Bobo big like Kong. Bobo would bite man sitting next to Bobo in half and step on man’s ugly wife. Bobo seen dis mobie now 49 times. Bobo love dis moobie!!!

4. CAPOTE – This is one of the best biopics I’ve ever seen. This movie will most definitely get PSH a well deserved Oscar nod. He totally transforms into Truman Capote on the screen. The performance was brilliant. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. HULK FREAKED OUT BY PUNY GIRLY MAN. HULK GET UNCOMFORTABLE IN HULK’S SEAT WATCHING PUNY GIRLY MAN SWISH AS GIRLY MAN WALKS. HULK NOT BELIEVE MAN ACTUAL MAN. HULK DO WEAR SCARF LIKE GIRLY MAN. HULK LIKE FUZZY SCARF. KEEP HULK NECK WARM.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis moobie. Bobo get bored. Bobo would go home but Bobo’s girlfriend get monthly visitor. Bobo no better than go home. Good thing Bobo bring Gameboy.

3. 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN – Chalk up another well written and extremely funny comedy for Judd Apatow. He’s quickly becoming one of my favorite writers working today. This comedy has its share of dick and fart jokes but it never becomes crude and always is funny. Seth Rogan was the stand out for me and I’m looking forward to getting the Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared DVD’s so I can see more of him. Really funny stuff. A

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE MOVIE. IT HIT TO CLOSE TO HULK HOME. HULK NEVER KNOW WHAT IT LIKE TO MAKE HULK LOVE. HULK AVENGER FRIENDS TRY AND HELP HULK JUST LIKE ANDY FRIENDS. HULK AVENGER FRIENDS CONVINCED SCARLET WITCH PRETTY LADY TO “TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM”. HULK NO UNDERSTAND REFERENCE HULK JUST HAPPY TO MAKE HULK LOVE.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo at first did not want to see dis moobie. Why Bobo want to see a movie about old man that has no sex. Bobo love funny Indian guy but Bobo no understand why he say sex is about love and not dirty trombones and butt hole pleasures. Bobo say F**K that. Bobo give Bobo’s girlfriend a dirty sanchez every night before nighty night.

2. KISS, KISS, BANG, BANG – This is the best least watched movie in America. This was definitely the smartest comedy I’ve seen in a long time. If you didn’t see this in the theater (which is just about everyone) you missed out. A+

Hulk Review: HULK NO LIKE THIS MOVIE. HULK FIRST REALLY LIKE MOVIE. HULK GO TO HULK FAVORITE THEATER. HULK BUY TICKET. HULK GET HULK SIZED POPCORN AND SODA. HULK GET FAVORITE SEAT IN HULK FAVORITE THEATER. HULK SEES TWO HULK FRIENDS ON SCREEN. HULK FRIENDS DRIVE AROUND IN FAST CAR. HULK LIKE PRETTY LADY. HULK FRIENDS OUTRUN BAD GUYS AND SAVE DAY. HULK HAPPY. HULK LEAVES FAVORITE THEATER AND HULK REALISES HULK JUST SAW DUKES OF HAZARD.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo no like dis moobie. Again moobie mens trick Bobo. Bobo expect sexy sexy moobie and Bobo get moobie bout queer boy real genius man and rich boy weird science man. Bobo did like hot sexy mama lady. Bobo got so excited Bobo stuck banana in hot car muffler. Bobo’s banana scarred for life. Bobo can’t make sweet monkey love for 2 weeks.

1. KUNG-FU HUSTLE – I went into this flick expecting to see a slapstick kung-fu comedy. I left the theater with my mind filled with kung-fu goodness and my side hurting from laughing so hard. This was without a doubt the most fun movie I watched in the theater all year. A+

Hulk Review: HULK LOVE MOVIE. HULK LAUGH WHEN MAN GET KNIFE IN ARM. HULK LAUGH MORE WHEN MAN GET FLOWER POT DROPPED ON HEAD. HULK LAUGHED EVEN MORE WHEN MAN JUMPED LIKE FROG. HULK LAUGHED MOSTEST WHEN SNAKE BITE MAN IN FACE. HULK LAUGH SO HARD HULK PEE HULK PANTS. HULK EMBARASSED. HULK SMART. HULK FIX PROBLEM. HULK TAKE OFF PANTS.

Bobo’s Review: Bobo love dis moobie. Bobo Karate’ed little mangirl that sit next to Bobo. Bobo laugh. Bobo make little girl cry. Bobo then Karate’ed old man behind Bobo. Bobo make old man cry. Bobo laugh. Bobo then Karate’ed man in wheelchair next to old man. Bobo make wheelchair man cry. Bobo laugh. Bobo best karate’er ever. Bobo have best time in moobie.